Tuesday, September 13, 2005

30 Reasons to Get Fired Up for the 2005-06 NBA Season - #29

#29 - Christmas Day Double-header on ABC

Spurs @ Detroit, 12:30 PM, EST

Now I know I'm supposed to give a compelling argument on how thrilling these games will be and how everyone across the globe should be tuning in. And while both match-ups should prove to be great, we must not forget that this isn't your typical Sunday afternoon, it's Christmas Day. Here are a few roadblocks (and solutions to getting around them) one will most certainly run into trying to catch a peak of the holiday action.

1) Competition with Parades/Other Christmas-related crap
Normally when the rematch of the NBA Finals is competing with blowups of Snoopy and Dora the Explorer flying over Pasadena, the basketball game should dominate the ratings. But remember folks, it's Christmas, and while I would love to watch the Spurs and Pistons duke it out for two hours, I have to appeal to 90 year-old grandmas and little rug rats that want to watch the parade. I could sneak upstairs and catch a few possessions, but that would only last about two minutes until someone pulls a Matlock and discovers I'm gone. Face it, December 25th is practically the only day of the year when it's rude to watch sports.

2) Awful Time of Day
Seriously, why is the game at 12:30, does that make any sense whatsoever? Is anyone on the westcoast going to wake up for a 9:30 AM tip-off? While we can't blame David Stern for this scheduling blunder, wasn't their one Catholic in the room that day that could have spoke up and let people know that 9AM-12PM is prime time for opening gifts? Given this three-hour window for precious family moments, that means that more than half the nation is going to miss 50-100% of the game. People on the eastcoast may catch the majority of it, but that's only if you're sitting down to eat after 2:30. If not, ABC could air a nude dance team halftime show and that still wouldn't keep me away from Mom's lasagna.

So, why not push the 12:30 game back to 3:30, and air the Miami-LA showdown around 7? Seriously no one is doing anything at 7 PM on Christmas evening except moving a bowel or lying on the couch like a whale with a harpoon in his side. I could care less about watching Ralphie and his Red-Rider bee-bee gun for the 7,123rd time. All I wanna do is stuff my face with a half-dozen more Christmas cookies, collapse, and somehow make it to the couch to watch a dope game. Now all I'll be left with at that time is like a Hawaii-UTEP college football "showdown". Hopefully someone will realize this needs to be changed.

Too bad for this scheduling blunder because this could turn out to be a pretty intense battle. Think about how badly the Pistons struggled in the first half of last season. With Larry Brown off to the Big Apple, will Flip Saunders be able to turn this team around if things go terribly wrong within the first two months? Ben and Rasheed Wallace could be approaching Kermit Washington levels and when Duncan and the rest of the champs stroll in with their 26-2 record, things could get ugly. The alternative is that both teams will be absolutely rolling and provide us with a preview of the 2006 Finals. Either way we're left with a compelling contest that almost nobody will be watching.

Solution: It's Christmas, so if you don't have Tivo or DVR, what better day to get it than today?

Lakers @ Heat, 3:30 PM, EST

Now while the first game should go relatively unnoticed like last year's Orlando-Cleveland game (yawn), the LA-Miami showdown is still the best rivalry the league has to offer. Last year I nearly choked to death eating my meal to make sure I didn't miss one second of a possible Shaq elbow-to-Kobe's face moment. This year, will we eclipse a new record for sports drama with Phil Jackson returning to the bench? Take a look at a few more pressing questions that should be answered heading into or at the conclusion of this game:

  • Will Shaq finally pummel Kobe to death after seeing him reunited with his former coach?
  • Will Pat Riley surprise the NBA world and return to the sidelines?
  • Will Kwame Brown be the 16-9 guy I predict him to be?
  • Can Phil get Kobe and Lamar Odom to co-exist?
  • Will Shaq kill Antoine Walker after one of his 4-23 performances?
  • Will Gary Payton be wearing black and red?
  • Will Jason Williams survive back in Florida?
  • Will Aaron McKie have more or less than 13 knee surgeries this season?
  • Will the Lakers have a true point guard by this time?
  • Will anyone over 55 years of age be awake at this time of day?

While I don't have the answers to any of these questions right now, I do have some solutions to make sure you'll be able to catch this game live.

1) You must make sure to have your Mom prepare dinner for say, 1 PM. An hour and a half is plenty of time to converse, crack a few jokes, and then get the hell out of there to "take the dog out". Grandma Edna should either be passed out, or have one foot out the door because she's been up since 4 AM making fruitcake. Finally, make sure all the little ones are upstairs glued to the TV playing Halo or watching Shrek 2 or some crap. At this point you should be in the clear, well except for that snoring uncle.

2) Solution 1 is really the only chance you have and if you don't believe me, try your own way and you'll end up stuck watching some bullshit CBS movie starring the lady from Murder She Wrote and Alan Thicke.

Hopefully you'll just score the Tivo and not have to take any chances. Merry Christmas!


At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) No.
2) God I hope not.
3) Yes, for about 2 weeks before he goes to shit again.
4) No. Not having a real PG will make it even worse than last year.
5) Antoine Walker is only gonna get 15+ shots when Shaq or Wade gets injured, which will happen often enough to keep Antoine pacified.
6)Do we really care?
7) As a bench player.
8) Less. He'll have one more and then he's done.
9)Kobe isn't a true point guard?
10)Yes, because they'll be woken up by us screaming when Shaq dunks on Kwame's face.

By the way I don't recall Orlando-Cleveland being played on Xmas last year. I'm pretty sure it was Indiana-Detroit. Which didn't exactly go unnoticed.

I hope you guys write something about the dreadful Hornets and their dreadful situation somewhere in this countdown.


At 10:32 PM, Blogger Paul Benedict said...

You're right, last year's ESPN game was Detroit/Indiana and it had a lot of intrigue because it was the first time the teams played after the November 19th melee.

At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Jimmhumm said...

Also that "Yawn" cleveland Orlando game featured T-mac going at King James. It was a serious battle with both players wack teams watching the two athlete's perform.


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