Friday, October 21, 2005

The House Dressing

Ant and I decided to go with the 'wait-and-see' approach before we wrote anything on the new dress code issued by the NBA earlier this week. We figured there would be a smorgasbord (Ant's word, but we both got it from the same place) of comedy ensuing from the announcement,so we held off...until now. We decided to pick and choose the players we feel are most affected by the business casual dress code and analyze how they're going to adjust and whether it really is going to affect their "style". We relucantly left off Quentin Richardson, famous for the 'sideways-hat-and-'doo-rag' with Armani look, because quite frankly, we're terrified of the backlash we'd receive from the Brandy Norwood Fan Club (again). Enjoy...

Ant's Take: Can't you see that punk Stephen from Laguna Beach wearing this get-up to some lame-ass party in a Cali mansion? And how about that Marley t-shirt Kobe rocked at that music awards show hours after he was in that hotel room with that 11 year-old? And you had to have seen his mink coat/turtle neck selection that one night in the Playoffs a few years ago? I swear he lets he wife dress him like an ass to get back at him for everything.

Paul's Take: Anyone else notice that Kobe's a total poser? I remember he was conveniently sporting this McNabb jersey when the Birds were in the Super Bowl last year. Besides that, doesn't it always seem like he's going for the "in" look? I respect a man who can dress well, but Kobe needs to stop reading GQ on the toilet and develop his own style.

Ant's Take: Is that Shaq or the world's largest checker board? Is this a sick joke? Of all the people to rock their "jammys" to a basketball game, I'd expect the Diesel to be the last. I mean would Stern really rather see get-ups like this than a dude in a jersey and a medallion? I sure wouldn't...

Paul's Take: Now here's a man who's got his own flavor. Shaq comes out with some of the most ridiculous suits you've ever seen, but he can pull it off because well..he's Shaq. My question is, what's Diesel going to do now that he's got some more competition?

Ant's Take: Honestly, a huge reason I love AI so much is because of the dope outfits he sports. He always has the sickest fitteds, some baggy Karl-Kani's, and a thugged-out shirt. How awkward is it gonna be to see him in a suit? He's gonna remind us of that dirty ass kid from high school who always rocked like ripped up jeans and a Pearl Jam t-shirt to school and then shows up to a dance with his hair slicked back with a clip-on. Can't AI be the lone exception to this code?

Paul's Take: You know how awkward it is whenever Iverson and David Stern are together on camera? Imagine how it's going to be now that Iverson will be donning a 3-piece suit the next time they meet. Or what if AI wins MVP this year, and he accepts the award with a gigantic untucked Sean John shirt on, some baggy jeans, Timberlands, four gold chains, and a pink Phillies hat on sideways? You can pretty much cross AI off your MVP ballot right about now.

Ant's Take: Honestly, Stern should just have this guy offed. Seriously, is there anyone on Earth that like Jackson? Like Paul discusses below, how can these players really consider this implementation racist? Stern runs a league of predominantly black players, yet he's a racist? Does that make any sense? That would be like Dave Thomas being a vegan.

Paul's Take: "I think it's a racist statement because a lot of the guys who are wearing chains are my age and are black. I wore all my jewelry today to let it be known that I'm upset with it. It's one thing to [enforce a] dress code and it's another thing if you're attacking cultures, and that's what I think they're doing." --Stephen Jackson on the new dress code.
--Does this guy ever shut up? Dude, it has nothing to do with race or culture. If you actually got off your ass and read the details of the dress code you'd see that the league is simply trying to employ a typical business casual dress code. It works like this everywhere idiot. It might not be included on the Ernst & Young dress code, but that's because people don't show up wearing gold chains that hang down to their nuts.

Ant's Take: Why do I feel like these two probably hook up that night? Anyway, Dirk and Nash are always dressed like that kid in high school who did all his shopping at Salvation Army. What can we expect when their (former) owner wears Mavericks football jerseys to games? And speaking of Cuban, is the rule enforced on him as well?

Paul's Take: The next time Nash and Dirk want to drink absinthe the night before a game, they better make sure they're not at a team hotel dressed like this. Somebody also needs to remind Dirk that he can't rock that cap either. German or not, you're still white dude.

Ant's Take: Looks like TD just got selected for an episode of Room Raiders, where the crew wouldn't let him change no matter how dearly he begged. He has on like an Ocean Pacific shirt from Marshall's here. Not that there's anything wrong with OP, just not on a giant 7-foot black guy. Get it together Dunc.

Paul's Take: You wear a t-shirt and jeans when you head over to Dunkin' Donuts to grab a cup of coffee, or if you catch a flick with your girl on a Sunday afternoon, not when you're accepting the NBA's most prestigious award. Duncan's a horrible dresser, we all know that. And luckily for him, this dress code is really going to do wonders for him.

Ant's Take: Sick jersey that you got with illegal money in high school along with that Hummer. Shit, did I say that outloud? Yeah, time for Mommy to buy Bron Bron some grown-up clothes, especially now that he'll actually be a legal adult. Finally.

Paul's Tale: What the hell is coming down the side of LeBron's face?! Is that a leetch? Love the jersey (Barry Sanders was the man), and 'Bron actually rocks it quite well seeing as he looks like an NFL player. Nevertheless, LeBron is going to have to wear jerseys on his own time.

Ant's Take: Honestly, you think 'Sheed has ever caught an NHL game? How awkward does he look in this photo? He looks like the homeless guy at 7-11 begging for some change and won't believe that you just spent every last dime on beers at the local bar. Well, except for that whole gold belt that he's holding. A homeless guy certainly wouldn't have that.

Paul's Take: "No chains, pendants, or medallions worn over the player's clothes." Nice! Guess that means 'Sheed can still rock the championship belt (even though it should be around Duncan's waist right now-- we'll let it slide).

Ant's Take: "RIP City" is like that take-off brand of Rocawear or Sean John that the white kids wear to school. Like when we used to rock Boss jeans in 8th grade. What the hell were we thinking? Anyway, this is one guy that I'll be glad to see in proper attire. He just really gets on my nerves thinking this whole RIP City thing is actually gonna catch on.

Paul's Take: Look, I'm a huge Rip Hamilton fan, but wasn't the whole "Rip City" thing just a little tacky? You don't see Shaq wearing a "Diesel's House" shirt. And why does he wear it every single time he's in public? You make millions of dollars, Rip. You don't need to keep wearing the same shirt over and over again. It'll be interesting to see what kind of wardrobe Hamilton comes with.


At 7:18 PM, Anonymous Chris said...

Duncan called the dress code retarded. Sound the alarms!

Allen Iverson isnt supporting the dress code? *shocked*

I didn't even know Rip Hamilton had his own clothing line for people who don't know how to dress, did you?

Shaq looks so bad in that picture that I squinted, because I was sure it was one of those Magic Eye things.

'Sheed is so gangsta that he looks downright poor.

And Steven Jackson makes the guys at 120proof sound sober in comparison.

keep up the great work, fellas.

At 8:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

check out, it is hilarious. They were talking about the dress code too.

At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Joe said...

Look at the elegance of Mad Dog sitting beside Shaq.

At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

rip doesnt wear the same shirt it has it in different teams just with rip city on it, so check on that.

At 11:28 PM, Anonymous L_Euphoria said...

AI, and some others might be quite sulky now...

This is indeed stupid. I am not against being more professional, but it's just that I feel that the players should be allowed an amount of freedom to wear what they like. Besides, that's the culture of basketball. To play freely, to dress freely.

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Anthony Peretore said...

Yo, we know it's not the same exact RIP City shirt every time bro. We were simply referring to the "RIP City" brand name, not that exact jersey, I checked on it.

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude it IS racist and ageist. stern has practically said as much. the whole point of the dress code is to appease the old white gazillionare corporate sponsors. it would be a much different thing if the impetus for the change was coming from the players, coaches, GMs, and owners themselves all together as a group. the text of the code might not be racist, but the MOTIVATION for the code most definitely is.

the most preposterous thing in my opinion is that these guys already abide by a strict dress code: they wear team uniforms while they're playing, and even have to wear them a certain way (e.g., tucked in). THAT dress code makes a lot of sense. The scope of this new dress code is ridiculous, and in a lot of cases (e.g., AI) will put severe limits on the expression of individual personas that makes the NBA so popular. Star power is the biggest thing the NBA has got going for it. Stern should know that better than anyone.

I also think it's ignorant to view somebody as more professional simply because of their choice of what to wear. When TO wears an Irvin jersey after a loss to the Cowboys, that's unprofessional. When Kobe wears a McNabb jersey that's a statement, and not unprofessional in the least.

I would understand if the code applied to what guys wear on the bench when they're on injured reserve, etc. But to apply it to press conferences after games and to travel and seemingly everywhere else is stupid and morally wrong.


At 1:49 PM, Blogger Anthony Peretore said...

Stupid? Yes. Racist? No way. Matt you're forgetting the backing behind the implementation of this dress code. After what happened between Indy and Detroit last season, I'm sure Stern assumes that many casual fans have now turned their noses up at this league. After all, who wants to watch a sport filled with "thugs"? (Well, I do and I'm sure many people do, but Stern wants no part of that) So what's the best way to gain the fans' trust that something like the Malice at the Palace will never happen again? Change the face of the sport in any way you can. So what's the most direct way of doing that? Eliminate all of the "unprofessional" outfits these guys are sporting. For example, if I go into CVS and the guy working there has on a plain white t-shirt, am I going to assume he's an employee? Of course not. If the players don't appear like thugs, less people will carry this negative assumption about the league.

Honestly Matt, I hate it. I think it's stupid and will do nothing to put more fans in the seats or in front of their televisions (that is the ultimate point of this, isn't it?). But I think Stern feels pressure to do something to show that he isn't going to stand for this "thug life" trend in his NBA. Just because white guys aren't rocking medallions and Franco Harris jerseys (and gold belts for that matter), it doesn't make this code racist. What if the CEO of came into his office and said, "Okay geeks, no more pocket protectors, it's unprofessional"? Is that racist since the majority of stereotypical nerds are white? Of course not. So why is this? If you get a job interview, are you going to show up with a tilted fitted and an old school Mickey Tettleton jersey? No, because that's UNPROFESSIONAL! Just because black athletes tend to dress that way doesn't mean this code is racist. The league is just trying to rid itself of unprofessionalism.

Honestly, am I supposed to feel bad for these millionaire athletes? Oh poor babies, you can't wear your necklaces and Timberlands to your basketball games. Don't like it? Trade in your $12 million/year salary and go get a job as a bouncer at a strip club. At least there you can wear what you want. I understand the point people make about athletes expressing themselves and can honestly feel for that angle of this argument. But c'mon. You're so lucky to be an employee of this prostegous league, just do what your boss tells you. Express yourself on every other day of the week when your team doesn't have a game.

At 3:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

John from the T-dot

honestly, this whole thing is just dumb. I wouldn't say it's being racist, but it is going against young people. You don't see any old guys wearing dr J jerseys or wearing Ecko. We don't look up to Stern, we look up to the people who are actually on the court. It's not like kids all over the world have posters of David Stern on their wall. Yet it's those old guys who make the decisions. I personally won't stop watching basketball, cause I love it, but Stern will see that there will be a lot less fans. He's screwing himself over.

At 6:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ant, it's true the NBA has an image problem. Most older white people have turned their back on the NBA because they view the league as spoiled thugs. The thing is, by far most of the players are NOT really spoiled thugs, certainly not any more than any cross-section of American males age 19-36. A lot of the guys who dress hip-hop are regular or even great guys. The problem is not with the guys or with what they wear, it's with the ignorant fans who view a certain fashion style as inherently indicative of spoiled thuggery. THe problem is not with the NBA players, it's with American society as a whole. But American society is changing, as it always does. Old people are always ignorant about shit like this. But most young people are not. I say, fuck the old whiteys. As long as you're appeasing the youth and bringing in new fans, you're gold. I sincerely doubt that a majority of people under the age of 35 felt like there was any need for this new dress code. Stern should have trusted in the youth of this nation and in what's morally right, rather than initiated all this bullshit, which is gonna end up CREATING more negative attention to the league than it will prevent.

Anybody who thinks that Rip Hamilton is less of a good guy and a professional simply because he wears a sweatshirt rather than a suit is an asshole who the WORLD would be better off without, let alone the NBA.

At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

like the last post, this is from sjg.

Tim goody 2-shoes Duncan and Steve everyone's favorite hardworking white boy Nash are gonna be as burdened by this policy as anyone. They're just 2 of many examples why this new policy is asinine. The NBA only has an image problem for those who are so hateful and myopic that they WANT there to be an image problem. In other words, people who hate and are jealous of successful young (mostly black men) are always gonna find some stupid reason to go on hating and being jealous. Ultimately, this dress code will do nothing positive for anyone not already working for Armani and Men's Wearhouse.

At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Richard said...

LOL. Not too sure why you'd fear the Brandy fan club, considering Brandy and Q aren't together anymore.

At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you 2 guys gay or something? who gives a shit about what clothes people wear??


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